Being home for Thanksgiving was a lot of things I never expected. I am so so so so so so so SO glad I got to spend time with family, and see people I hadn’t seen in a long while. We had a GREAT time.
Instantaneously, I have been hurting deeply.
Why? I lost my best friend. Not because this friend is a bad person by any means. In fact its quite the opposite: My best friend is one of the most genuine and caring people I know. But our friendship ended because I wasn’t able to handle some of the stuff between us.
I spoke with a wise mentor in my life about this. She asked me how I was, and I clenched my jaw, and forced a smile while saying that it was hard. She reminded me that I did not need to hold it together. I didn’t need to pretend to be fine when I wasn’t.
Healing doesn’t happen instantly, it’s a piece by piece process. It can take a few days, or it can take a few years. But it happens.
But let’s forget about that for a moment. This weekend, I underwent a makeover. I got my hair cut, colored, and (temporarily) straightened. I got a facial. I bought new clothes. And I got my braces off. I lookedat myself in the mirror just this afternoon, and I was surprised at the girl who was looking at me. It didn’t seem like myself, but rather, another, prettier human being. Today, I looked good. And I felt ok despite the hurt that I still feel.
What was the point of sharing that? Well, I was surprised that even while I felt this pain, I also felt so excited. And I was still alive. We often associate being “full of life” with being joyful, but I realize this isn’t the case. Being full of life is being full of Jesus. Having Jesus with you in the really sucky times and in the really freaking awesome times.
Solomon, he was a king, and the son of David. He was known for his gift of wisdom, even though later on he really went and screwed the kingdom up. Before I introduce him more, read this longer passage and what Solomon wrote
“There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace” Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
I was pushing down a lot of hurt into my heart in at first this break. Maybe because I didn’t want to burden others with my heart. Maybe because I felt as though I was ok. Maybe because I thought Thanksgiving wasn’t a time to feel pain. Whatever the reason, it became clear that we need to be ok with hurting sometimes. God has a plan for us and he loves us, but we live in a broken world where people shoot one another and leaders point fingers in every direction except at themselves and people hurt the ones they really care about, even if they don’t want to. Sometimes, you hurt. And as put by John Green in The Fault in Our Stars (cheesy, maybe, but also accurate), “That’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.” And this week, and going into the next few weeks, I think is going to be a time for me to weep and break down and feel this hurt.
But hurting doesn’t leave us with nothing. We still live. So even in the season of my life right now, this hurt, there is still time for joy, and for laughter, and for looking so gosh darn great, and for hanging out with my wonderful mama.
Perhaps later on, there will be a time for me to mend a broken friendship. Perhaps there will be time for me to make new friends. Whatever happens, it is ok. God has a plan, and I put my faith in him- always.
All of my life, in every season, you are still God, I have a reason to sing – I have a reason to worship.
-Hillsong United, “Desert Song”
I ask y’all, what season of your life are you in right now? Is it a season of stress in applying for schools or studying for finals? Is it a season of hope for a future? Share below! Or let me know any additional thoughts on my experience, Solomon’s words, or this post in general. I love to hear from you!
Isaiah 66:9 says “I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born!, says the Lord”. What you were saying reminded me of that. Every cloud has a silver lining my friend.
PS. That’s super awesome about the temporarily straightened hair. I’m excited to see it in person :)
I love that verse! Thanks for sharing, Allison. :)
The seasons of life are such a varying thing. They can last for a second or they can last for years. They simply depend on where you put your values and energy! I love how you look on the joyful side of a time of extreme pain and hurt. I think that you are so strong and courageous for knowing that, yes pain can’t be suppressed, it must be felt. I just wish I was right there to help carry some of that pain for you.
Right now I am in a season of optimism. Yes, there are a million things to do like study for finals and learn new songs for worship team, but there are so many things to be grateful for and to look forward to. Christmas parties, coffee dates, football games (Go Hawks!), winter break, amazing friends, loving family, SO many opportunities of fun and laughter are on the horizon and I am so darn excited to experience them. My season of optimism is one that hopefully can extend past the upcoming winter break and into my second quarter of school and beyond. So here’s to the future!
Firstly, go Broncos… That aside, I love how you describe your season of life with you, and CANNOT wait to celebrate it with you in two short weeks.
I’m in a bit of a season of hurt and stress right now. I have a bunch of school stuff going on, between trying to figure out how to transfer to the school of music so I can try to double major and trying to do all of my regular class stuff, there’s a lot. And I’m also a chronic procrastinator, so that doesn’t help. Plus I have things from some classes interfering with others, even (choir dress rehearsal during my astronomy class, the concert also preventing me from seeing a musical on the dates that would allow me to turn in the paper on time and get full credit…). Lots of stress. And I’m going through a similar struggle with losing a really important relationship to me. I thought I might be over it after six months, but it still hurts.
But like you said, I always have Jesus with me. My dad actually said something really similar to this in one of his sermons. To try and paraphrase, joyfulness is different than happiness. Joyfulness is the permanent state of being filled with the spirit and having hope for the future; happiness is just a temporary state of emotion that can and will change easily. It doesn’t necessarily fit with the dictionary definitions of the words, but that’s stuck with me since he preached it.
I love what you shared about joy and happiness. That is such an insightful perspective, and it is backwards from what we typically think of, in my opinion. Thanks for sharing, Seth!