On fruit

When asked about my favorite fruit, I’m sure I would have to say fresh cherries with strawberries running a strong second with the kiwi coming in third. Can you ever get enough fruit? I suppose we should ask Adam, but he’s not here, so we’ll move on. Apples and oranges, bananas and pineapple, I can already feel the juice running down my chin. Nature’s own fresh candy, it’s sweet and delicious, a delight to the sense of taste and smell, touch to a certain extent. Not a huge fan of mango, but it’s because I’m allergic. Grapes, watermelon, lemons, limes, grapefruit, pomegranate. Fruit is a dark object of sensuous desire, the colors and textures yearn to split and eaten, juice running everywhere, down your chin, your hands and elbows, you grab for a napkin to clean up. It’s the sugar, of course, which we crave. Eat a banana–it has one of the highest sugar contents in the fruit world. What redeems fruit are all the vitamins and minerals they contain. I also think that sugary fruit, the object of desire, is redeemed by its aesthetics and its taste. The taste of a ripe grapefruit, beautifully red strawberries, sweet white grapes, or that perfect apple are all astonishingly different and astonishingly wonderful. No one will mistake one for the other, but it is rather rare to meet someone who doesn’t like fruit. The textures are also all different: raspberries are not at all like melon, and no one will mistake a peach for a pear, in the dark or with the lights on.

On fruit

When asked about my favorite fruit, I’m sure I would have to say fresh cherries with strawberries running a strong second with the kiwi coming in third. Can you ever get enough fruit? I suppose we should ask Adam, but he’s not here, so we’ll move on. Apples and oranges, bananas and pineapple, I can already feel the juice running down my chin. Nature’s own fresh candy, it’s sweet and delicious, a delight to the sense of taste and smell, touch to a certain extent. Not a huge fan of mango, but it’s because I’m allergic. Grapes, watermelon, lemons, limes, grapefruit, pomegranate. Fruit is a dark object of sensuous desire, the colors and textures yearn to split and eaten, juice running everywhere, down your chin, your hands and elbows, you grab for a napkin to clean up. It’s the sugar, of course, which we crave. Eat a banana–it has one of the highest sugar contents in the fruit world. What redeems fruit are all the vitamins and minerals they contain. I also think that sugary fruit, the object of desire, is redeemed by its aesthetics and its taste. The taste of a ripe grapefruit, beautifully red strawberries, sweet white grapes, or that perfect apple are all astonishingly different and astonishingly wonderful. No one will mistake one for the other, but it is rather rare to meet someone who doesn’t like fruit. The textures are also all different: raspberries are not at all like melon, and no one will mistake a peach for a pear, in the dark or with the lights on.

On sneezing

I can’t stop sneezing today, probably too much old book dust and dead mites. Sneezing a funny activity, but it’s not funny “ha-ha”, it’s funny strange. No two people sneeze the same way, but the result, whether you keep your eyes open or not, is the same wet mess. Yes, one can try to keep clean with an assortment of handkerchiefs or tissues, but you still face the problem of what to do with the tissue after you sneeze, and do you put a wet hanky back into your pocket? Maybe not. Don’t even think of maintaining your dignity when you sneeze because stuff will go everywhere. You are a veritable rhino-virus information center, contagious and moist. Babies cry when people sneeze. Sneezing during the sermon is not the particular sound effect that the pastor is looking for on any given Sunday morning. If you sneeze unexpectedly, the results might be disastrous with spit and snot going everywhere. Never sneeze while drinking coffee or eating a cheeseburger. I find that it is very easy to spill your drink when you sneeze no matter how hard you try to keep it from tipping. When you stifle a sneeze in an inappropriate situation, people will turn and look disapprovingly, knowing full-well they couldn’t have done it better. Why is it, though, that there is never a tissue at hand when you do sneeze? I met a woman who always sneezed in groups of three. When you have a cold, sneezing is painful and makes you feel wretched. Have you ever sneezed on your computer? I once sneezed a mouthful of soda up into my sinuses, felt funny for days. Have you ever banged your head on something when you sneezed? Of course we all try cold medicines, which only make you feel wooly-headed and worse or antihistamines which dry you out and make you feel funny. Whether it be a head cold or an allergy, sneezing is a symptom most of us could do without, unless you are stranded on a desert island, in which case you can just blow your nose with your hand and no one will care.

On sneezing

I can’t stop sneezing today, probably too much old book dust and dead mites. Sneezing a funny activity, but it’s not funny “ha-ha”, it’s funny strange. No two people sneeze the same way, but the result, whether you keep your eyes open or not, is the same wet mess. Yes, one can try to keep clean with an assortment of handkerchiefs or tissues, but you still face the problem of what to do with the tissue after you sneeze, and do you put a wet hanky back into your pocket? Maybe not. Don’t even think of maintaining your dignity when you sneeze because stuff will go everywhere. You are a veritable rhino-virus information center, contagious and moist. Babies cry when people sneeze. Sneezing during the sermon is not the particular sound effect that the pastor is looking for on any given Sunday morning. If you sneeze unexpectedly, the results might be disastrous with spit and snot going everywhere. Never sneeze while drinking coffee or eating a cheeseburger. I find that it is very easy to spill your drink when you sneeze no matter how hard you try to keep it from tipping. When you stifle a sneeze in an inappropriate situation, people will turn and look disapprovingly, knowing full-well they couldn’t have done it better. Why is it, though, that there is never a tissue at hand when you do sneeze? I met a woman who always sneezed in groups of three. When you have a cold, sneezing is painful and makes you feel wretched. Have you ever sneezed on your computer? I once sneezed a mouthful of soda up into my sinuses, felt funny for days. Have you ever banged your head on something when you sneezed? Of course we all try cold medicines, which only make you feel wooly-headed and worse or antihistamines which dry you out and make you feel funny. Whether it be a head cold or an allergy, sneezing is a symptom most of us could do without, unless you are stranded on a desert island, in which case you can just blow your nose with your hand and no one will care.

On (not) eating healthy

I try to eat healthy, but I don’t have to like it. Actually, I have no intention of trying to eat “healthy” to either improve my health or lengthen my life. I think that most foods which are marketed as healthy are a marketing gimmick designed to play off of the fears of an unthinking consumer market that thinks it can buy health. I figure that since my grandfather ate half-cooked bacon, ate doughnuts fried in lard, loved brown gravy on his pork chops, and lived to age 92, I’ve got a fighting chance of making 92 as well. I eat steak and butter, despise tofu with a pure passion, think rabbits are well-fed with lettuce (but I’m not), love blueberry pie, and am a connoisseur of chocolate in its endless varieties and mutations. Bacon is good, but popped rice cakes were invented by someone who was very unhappy with life. Trying to count calories will only lead to frustration and unhappiness unless you are trying to see how many calories you can actually consume in one day and not get sick. The joke will be on all of us when we find out the most health food, or food that producers claim to be healthy, has no effect on how long we live or how healthy we are. If you eat average quantities of food and stay away from sugary drinks, you will probably be okay no matter what you eat. I often get the feeling that “low-fat” products are really just “high-sugar” and “high salt” products instead. I think that eating old-fashioned, home-cooked meals in an orderly normal fashion will probably do you no harm no matter what you eat. Probably the only food which is excessively bad for all of us is too much sugar, which was not a large part of our diet as we evolved on the pampas and plains of Africa a million years ago. We get into unhealthy eating habits, not because the food is unhealthy, but because we are way too sedentary today for our own good.

On (not) eating healthy

I try to eat healthy, but I don’t have to like it. Actually, I have no intention of trying to eat “healthy” to either improve my health or lengthen my life. I think that most foods which are marketed as healthy are a marketing gimmick designed to play off of the fears of an unthinking consumer market that thinks it can buy health. I figure that since my grandfather ate half-cooked bacon, ate doughnuts fried in lard, loved brown gravy on his pork chops, and lived to age 92, I’ve got a fighting chance of making 92 as well. I eat steak and butter, despise tofu with a pure passion, think rabbits are well-fed with lettuce (but I’m not), love blueberry pie, and am a connoisseur of chocolate in its endless varieties and mutations. Bacon is good, but popped rice cakes were invented by someone who was very unhappy with life. Trying to count calories will only lead to frustration and unhappiness unless you are trying to see how many calories you can actually consume in one day and not get sick. The joke will be on all of us when we find out the most health food, or food that producers claim to be healthy, has no effect on how long we live or how healthy we are. If you eat average quantities of food and stay away from sugary drinks, you will probably be okay no matter what you eat. I often get the feeling that “low-fat” products are really just “high-sugar” and “high salt” products instead. I think that eating old-fashioned, home-cooked meals in an orderly normal fashion will probably do you no harm no matter what you eat. Probably the only food which is excessively bad for all of us is too much sugar, which was not a large part of our diet as we evolved on the pampas and plains of Africa a million years ago. We get into unhealthy eating habits, not because the food is unhealthy, but because we are way too sedentary today for our own good.

On ashtrays

You talk about an anti-aesthetic relic from my past, the ashtray was a pretty common household item during the fifties, sixties and early seventies. The Minnesota Clean Indoor Air Act of 1975 was the first law of its kind in the United States, which banned smoking in many public places, including MSP airport. Before that law, however, smoking was a pretty common place activity, and although most people knew that the practice or vice was prejudicial towards one’s health, many people smoked openly because of the highly addictive nature of the alkaloid nicotine. Ashtrays were everywhere, public and private, and all households had an assortment of ashtrays, both functional and decorative. It was not uncommon to find ashtrays on end tables or coffee tables, kitchen tables, or even bathrooms. As a child, I remember a series of ashtrays in our home, some, small and round, others were larger and more decorative. I dare say that if a person were to dig around in the attic or basement of most homes in America that date from that pre-1975 period, one would fine an assortment of ashtrays. Of course, ashtrays took a lot of abuse and were frequently broken and chipped, stained. People would use ashtrays for almost anything, and frequently the only thing they weren’t used for were ashes. Of course, a full ashtray would stink up a room in no time, and an ashtray full of old ashes was worse, rancid and burnt. For decades cars had ashtrays as a standard component of the front dash. It always ticked me off to watch someone empty their car’s ashtray in a public parking lot as if the whole world was their particular garbage dump. I don’t blame anyone for smoking. Smoking, though always a suspicious activity health-wise, was a common social practice until the medical community started dealing with numerous cases of lung cancer, emphysema, and other smoking related illnesses. The average person who got hooked before about 1965 had no reason, really, to suspect that the practice of smoking was such a toxic affair. The ubiquitous ashtray is a symbol of a time gone by, of a more innocent time when no one really knew that smoking could take ten years off of your life, contribute to high blood pressure, cause a half-dozen kinds of cancer, lower lung capacity, weaken the immune system, and make everything in the vicinity smell really, really bad. The ashtrays were always there to collect the ashes and the butts. In my mind I can still see a lit cigarette sitting quietly in a groove, a thin band of smoke rising gently toward the ceiling. The ashes themselves were a symbol of modern consumerism at its worse: paying good money for a product that you would then set on fire. Of course, most people used smoking as a delivery system for nicotine, to which they were addicted. Again, I’m not judging or blaming anyone. If I had been born a couple of decades earlier, I probably would have smoked myself, would have had a variety of ashtrays, and would have found that quitting was nye on impossible. People still smoke today, but the numbers are way down in the United States. Smoking is now prohibited almost everywhere, and unless you visit the house of a smoker, you never see ashtrays anywhere anymore. Maybe that is for the best.

On ashtrays

You talk about an anti-aesthetic relic from my past, the ashtray was a pretty common household item during the fifties, sixties and early seventies. The Minnesota Clean Indoor Air Act of 1975 was the first law of its kind in the United States, which banned smoking in many public places, including MSP airport. Before that law, however, smoking was a pretty common place activity, and although most people knew that the practice or vice was prejudicial towards one’s health, many people smoked openly because of the highly addictive nature of the alkaloid nicotine. Ashtrays were everywhere, public and private, and all households had an assortment of ashtrays, both functional and decorative. It was not uncommon to find ashtrays on end tables or coffee tables, kitchen tables, or even bathrooms. As a child, I remember a series of ashtrays in our home, some, small and round, others were larger and more decorative. I dare say that if a person were to dig around in the attic or basement of most homes in America that date from that pre-1975 period, one would fine an assortment of ashtrays. Of course, ashtrays took a lot of abuse and were frequently broken and chipped, stained. People would use ashtrays for almost anything, and frequently the only thing they weren’t used for were ashes. Of course, a full ashtray would stink up a room in no time, and an ashtray full of old ashes was worse, rancid and burnt. For decades cars had ashtrays as a standard component of the front dash. It always ticked me off to watch someone empty their car’s ashtray in a public parking lot as if the whole world was their particular garbage dump. I don’t blame anyone for smoking. Smoking, though always a suspicious activity health-wise, was a common social practice until the medical community started dealing with numerous cases of lung cancer, emphysema, and other smoking related illnesses. The average person who got hooked before about 1965 had no reason, really, to suspect that the practice of smoking was such a toxic affair. The ubiquitous ashtray is a symbol of a time gone by, of a more innocent time when no one really knew that smoking could take ten years off of your life, contribute to high blood pressure, cause a half-dozen kinds of cancer, lower lung capacity, weaken the immune system, and make everything in the vicinity smell really, really bad. The ashtrays were always there to collect the ashes and the butts. In my mind I can still see a lit cigarette sitting quietly in a groove, a thin band of smoke rising gently toward the ceiling. The ashes themselves were a symbol of modern consumerism at its worse: paying good money for a product that you would then set on fire. Of course, most people used smoking as a delivery system for nicotine, to which they were addicted. Again, I’m not judging or blaming anyone. If I had been born a couple of decades earlier, I probably would have smoked myself, would have had a variety of ashtrays, and would have found that quitting was nye on impossible. People still smoke today, but the numbers are way down in the United States. Smoking is now prohibited almost everywhere, and unless you visit the house of a smoker, you never see ashtrays anywhere anymore. Maybe that is for the best.

On morning

Normally, if anything is indeed “normal,” my mornings are about rushing around, showering, slurping a bit of coffee, the martyrdom of shaving, toast (I like toast), and joining the crazy rush on the highways that lead to work. Sometimes I buy gas to break up the routine, but usually morning is pretty routine and crazy stuff. This morning, Saturday, was not about any of that. I am now enjoying my third cup of coffee, I’ve enjoyed home-made pancakes with the family, I’ve stalked around on facebook a bit, looking at new baby pictures, a wounded (he’s okay) cat and the fleur-de-lis on the helmets of my hometown football team. The town of St. Peter, Minnesota was founded by French Bourbons in the eighteenth century, ergo their colors are blue and white and their emblem is the fleur-de-lis. Funny how we never really escape our pasts no matter how hard we try. This morning, a Saturday morning, is both relaxing and contemplative because I don’t have to chase off to be somewhere on time. I often wonder about how much damage we do to ourselves by trying to meet deadlines, getting to work “on-time,” or by just rushing off in a general and haphazard fashion. Nothing about a Monday through Friday morning is either relaxing or positive. Perpetually late, myself, sometimes I wonder if I was born five minutes late and I’ve never been able to make up that time. Most mornings remind me of a perpetual chase for some totally undefined goal or fuzzy mirages, amorphous shapes of desire and envy. When I wake up I am not in any kind of shape to do anything important, and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one. Sometimes people go to bed late, or they sleep poorly, have nightmares, toss and turn. Getting up to an alarm is a form of legal torture that, after a number of years or decades, leaves an indelible scar–you end up a retired person who can’t sleep anymore after six a.m. So, ironically, when you have mornings on which you don’t have to get up, you can’t sleep anyway. The chaotic mornings of contemporary life cannot be a healthy way of starting the day. Sleep experts keep reminding us all that most people don’t ever get enough sleep and are permanently sleep-deprived, short-tempered, cranky, and irked. Road rage cannot be far behind. Not this morning, however. With a certain amount of glee, I turned off the alarm last night as I went to bed, and got up this morning when I felt like it. The coffee tastes better if you can sip it. The anxiety of facing crazy commuter morning traffic is gone, and I can unload the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen in peace. All of the negativity of a normal, work-a-day, morning is just not there. No kids to wake up and chase off to school, no stop and go traffic jam to deal with at the school, no speeders trying desperately to make it to work on time because they got up late. Overdosing your brain on locally produced cortisol only leads to more stress, which is bad for your whole body, leaving you feeling empty and hungover, cranky. Perhaps the lesson of Saturday morning is bigger and broader than it initially seems: maybe all mornings should be a bit more like Saturday and a lot less like Monday.

On morning

Normally, if anything is indeed “normal,” my mornings are about rushing around, showering, slurping a bit of coffee, the martyrdom of shaving, toast (I like toast), and joining the crazy rush on the highways that lead to work. Sometimes I buy gas to break up the routine, but usually morning is pretty routine and crazy stuff. This morning, Saturday, was not about any of that. I am now enjoying my third cup of coffee, I’ve enjoyed home-made pancakes with the family, I’ve stalked around on facebook a bit, looking at new baby pictures, a wounded (he’s okay) cat and the fleur-de-lis on the helmets of my hometown football team. The town of St. Peter, Minnesota was founded by French Bourbons in the eighteenth century, ergo their colors are blue and white and their emblem is the fleur-de-lis. Funny how we never really escape our pasts no matter how hard we try. This morning, a Saturday morning, is both relaxing and contemplative because I don’t have to chase off to be somewhere on time. I often wonder about how much damage we do to ourselves by trying to meet deadlines, getting to work “on-time,” or by just rushing off in a general and haphazard fashion. Nothing about a Monday through Friday morning is either relaxing or positive. Perpetually late, myself, sometimes I wonder if I was born five minutes late and I’ve never been able to make up that time. Most mornings remind me of a perpetual chase for some totally undefined goal or fuzzy mirages, amorphous shapes of desire and envy. When I wake up I am not in any kind of shape to do anything important, and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one. Sometimes people go to bed late, or they sleep poorly, have nightmares, toss and turn. Getting up to an alarm is a form of legal torture that, after a number of years or decades, leaves an indelible scar–you end up a retired person who can’t sleep anymore after six a.m. So, ironically, when you have mornings on which you don’t have to get up, you can’t sleep anyway. The chaotic mornings of contemporary life cannot be a healthy way of starting the day. Sleep experts keep reminding us all that most people don’t ever get enough sleep and are permanently sleep-deprived, short-tempered, cranky, and irked. Road rage cannot be far behind. Not this morning, however. With a certain amount of glee, I turned off the alarm last night as I went to bed, and got up this morning when I felt like it. The coffee tastes better if you can sip it. The anxiety of facing crazy commuter morning traffic is gone, and I can unload the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen in peace. All of the negativity of a normal, work-a-day, morning is just not there. No kids to wake up and chase off to school, no stop and go traffic jam to deal with at the school, no speeders trying desperately to make it to work on time because they got up late. Overdosing your brain on locally produced cortisol only leads to more stress, which is bad for your whole body, leaving you feeling empty and hungover, cranky. Perhaps the lesson of Saturday morning is bigger and broader than it initially seems: maybe all mornings should be a bit more like Saturday and a lot less like Monday.