On sneezing

I can’t stop sneezing today, probably too much old book dust and dead mites. Sneezing a funny activity, but it’s not funny “ha-ha”, it’s funny strange. No two people sneeze the same way, but the result, whether you keep your eyes open or not, is the same wet mess. Yes, one can try to keep clean with an assortment of handkerchiefs or tissues, but you still face the problem of what to do with the tissue after you sneeze, and do you put a wet hanky back into your pocket? Maybe not. Don’t even think of maintaining your dignity when you sneeze because stuff will go everywhere. You are a veritable rhino-virus information center, contagious and moist. Babies cry when people sneeze. Sneezing during the sermon is not the particular sound effect that the pastor is looking for on any given Sunday morning. If you sneeze unexpectedly, the results might be disastrous with spit and snot going everywhere. Never sneeze while drinking coffee or eating a cheeseburger. I find that it is very easy to spill your drink when you sneeze no matter how hard you try to keep it from tipping. When you stifle a sneeze in an inappropriate situation, people will turn and look disapprovingly, knowing full-well they couldn’t have done it better. Why is it, though, that there is never a tissue at hand when you do sneeze? I met a woman who always sneezed in groups of three. When you have a cold, sneezing is painful and makes you feel wretched. Have you ever sneezed on your computer? I once sneezed a mouthful of soda up into my sinuses, felt funny for days. Have you ever banged your head on something when you sneezed? Of course we all try cold medicines, which only make you feel wooly-headed and worse or antihistamines which dry you out and make you feel funny. Whether it be a head cold or an allergy, sneezing is a symptom most of us could do without, unless you are stranded on a desert island, in which case you can just blow your nose with your hand and no one will care.