Can you ever get enough butter? Perhaps this deep philosophical question cannot ever be answered successfully without threatening the heart health and weight of the testers, but who wouldn’t like to die trying? Toast, for example, is not toast without a ton of butter slathered on it. Butterless popcorn is just not worth eating. There is something so creamy and so sweet about butter that it deserves its own food group. Loaded with fat and sugar in a velvety base of semi-solid lipids, butter is the apotheosis of ideal food, and we only invent foods such as toast and popcorn so we can eat it without guilt. Whoever invented butter was a food genius or the luckiest milk man who ever lived when their milk all of sudden turned quasi-solid. They must have originally thought that their milk had gone over, turned bad, until they tried it and fell in love. Butter makes so many foods taste as if they were divine victuals send directly from Olympus by generous gods. I love to put it in my decadent prohibited chocolate coffee fudge frosting. I have seen people scoop the frosting off of the chocolate cake, eat the frosting and leave the cake. There is nothing better for dipping lobster (if you like that sort of thing) than a little butter and garlic, which make an ideal couple when put together. How could anyone ever eat a baked potato if they did not have butter? I’ve heard that the French will put a fresh pat of butter on a freshly cooked steak–to each his butter own, I always say. Would the creation of butter ice cream be redundant or just a little too far over the top? Butter, pasta, parsley, an egg, some fried pancetta, cream, and some salt and pepper make a pasta dish too good to ever turn down. Why is it that when the toast is hot, the butter is cold and hard? Running out of butter is almost an emergency reason to go to the store regardless of the hour. Things I put butter on: oatmeal, mashed potatoes, green beans, asparagus, popcorn, pancakes, waffles, shrimp, lobster, toast, biscuits, grits. I’m sure that’s not a complete list, but it’s a start. Butter brings up the flavor in so many foods, especially cooked vegetables. Butter on freshly cooked corn on the cob is one of those delights that if you have not experienced it yet, it should be on your bucket list. Butter and garlic go so well together on many things that the vampires will be fleeing the area almost at once should you invoke this wonderful combination of flavors. Of course, if you have cholesterol issues, you are vampire and should flee from the butter. Butter is actually worth being in shape for so that you can eat it freely without looking at yourself in the mirror, but if you have no reflection anyway? It probably doesn’t matter, you don’t eat butter either. A pat of butter on a hot cinnamon roll gives off an aroma that almost supersedes the taste, which is nice, especially if you are on a food-free diet where such things are prohibited. Smelling it won’t cost you anything. Perhaps it is because butter does affect so many of the senses (no, you can’t really hear butter unless you are wading through it), sight, touch, taste, and smell, that it is so special and so unique and so loved as a food. Who won’t lick their fingers if they have butter on them?
