Disclosing Information: How Much is Too Much?

I vividly remember the feeling of excitement that rushed through my body when I woke up on Christmas morning. With his name being on every middle schooler’s mind at the time, I knew I had to get my hands on John Green’s book “The Fault In Our Stars.” I even made sure to put it at the top of my list to increase my chances of reading the heart-wrenching yet impactful romance of two young cancer patients who gradually fall in love. The novel is written from Hazel’s point-of-view, a young girl diagnosed with lung cancer. She attends a support group at her mom’s request where she meets Augustus Waters, another cancer patient who takes an interest in Hazel. Though hesitant at first, she eventually perceives Waters through a different lens as their relationship develops. However, she isn’t aware of the consequences that follow their connection until tragedy strikes.

In Chapter 8, Griffin introduces the Social Penetration Theory, which argues that in order to form a successful connection, you must understand the status of the relationship along with where each member stands individually. Altman and Taylor compare the knowledge of how much information is acceptable to share with a concept more understandable: the layers of an onion. When peeling an onion, you peel away at the outer layers before you gain access to the main core. As for relationships, the outer layer is considered to be the “public self that is accessible to anyone who cares to look” (93). Also known as public knowledge, this refers to biographic data such as your name, age, and gender. Through social penetration, we are able to distinguish when it is the right time to unveil another layer and disclose more personal information to another. The more time and energy we put into another individual, the closer we get to the inner core, which consists of “values, self-concept, unresolved conflicts, and deeply felt emotions” (93). This is the part of you that is often times the most guarded, and potentially holds information about yourself that not even close friends or family know. Though it may be rare to reach this level of closeness, Altman and Taylor propose that “the depth of penetration is the degree of intimacy” (94).  In order to achieve this, the relationship must proceed in a gradual manner and include turn-taking. If there is too much disclosure from one side, it may be more difficult to progress.

 

When meeting someone new, we sometimes fear that sharing too much about ourselves could result in eliminating the connection before we expect it to end. To prevent this from becoming a common occurrence, we must limit the amount we share to how much information we already know. In “The Fault in Our Stars,” Hazel Grace and Augustus Waters have their first encounter at a support group, to which they immediately learn they have both had experiences with cancer. Though the tumor located in Augustus’ leg has already been removed, he continues to face daily obstacles that prevent him from being a normal teenager. This is something he and Hazel both have in common and is what ignites their relationship. Augustus, though more forward than Hazel, begins to learn her boundaries and becomes aware of when he moves too fast. From sharing their favorite novels to attending support groups together, their mutual interest for each other gives the other access to pull back an additional layer. As the movie progresses, they go from introducing themselves to sharing their biggest fears, Augustus’ being oblivion. His outgoing personality allows Hazel to come out of her shell and express the same level of openness she has been given.