By Caleb Troncoso

When a child has been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), many parents may have questions about how this will impact the neurotypical children in the family. Knowing that sibling relationships are the longest lasting in our lives, parents can help their children with ASD and their neurotypical brothers and sisters build healthy, lifelong bonds (Wheeler, 2019; Green, 2013).

Research has found that siblings of children with ASD have both positive and negative experiences growing up. However,  parents can make most of those life experiences positive if they are willing to recognize the needs of their neurotypical children and support them in developing a closer relationship with their siblings with ASD (Moss, et al., 2018). Studies have shown there are many areas to address when fostering relationships between neurotypical children and their siblings with ASD. Many of those areas revolve around key components: honest and ongoing communication, education about ASD, positive engagement and interaction with their brother/sister with autism, quality time with other family members, and connections to other children with similar life experiences (Wheeler, 2019).

Communication is Key

Parents must open the door of communication to their neurotypical children from the beginning of the ASD diagnosis. Depending on the age, maturity level, and emotional intelligence of the child, parents can decide what information is best and most helpful to share about the sibling with ASD (Laverick-Brown & Stanek, 2014). Some things to remember when communicating include:

• Parents should actively listen to their neurotypical children, encourage them to ask questions, and advocate for themselves in the home.
• Children need to be able to come to their parents and communicate their feelings and concerns without the fear of judgment or reprisal.
• Parents can also communicate the needs of the child with ASD to the siblings. For example, if loud noises upset the child with ASD, then parents can create household rules and routines that avoid the triggers but allow the other children the flexibility to still enjoy music/video games/TV with headphones or in another room.
• When it comes to making household rules and routines, parents can enlist the help of their children. Allowing them an equal voice in the process helps them take ownership and they are more likely to adhere to and understand why rules are important not only to their brother or sister with ASD but also for the entire family

Education Creates Understanding

ASD is highly complex, and each child with ASD is different from others with the same diagnosis. Knowing as much as possible about ASD can help siblings understand what their brother or sister with autism is going through and creates empathy and stronger relationships (Moss, et al., 2018). Depending on the age and grade level of the neurotypical sibling, several resources provide information about ASD that parents can use. It is a good idea for parents to sit with their children and learn about ASD together.

• Elementary Level Resources: Sesame Street and Autism
• Middle School Level Resources: OAR: Organization for Autism Research-Kit for Kids Autism: My Sibling and Me
• High School Level Resources: OAR: Organization for Autism Research-Get Informed, Life as an Autism Sibling: A Guide for Teens, Learning about Autism

Play Time!

Another critical component of building strong sibling bonds is playing and enjoying time with each other. Depending on family dynamics and the abilities of all involved, parents can create structured opportunities for siblings to spend time together or allow spontaneous play to happen between siblings. These opportunities should incorporate things that all the children enjoy. For example, if the family enjoys trips to the zoo, but the noise overstimulates the child with ASD, then perhaps the family builds a zoo in the backyard with stuffed animals. When siblings are creating positive memories through play, they learn more about themselves and each other and it allows the relationship to grow. During play, neurotypical siblings will gain patience and gain a greater understanding of their brother/sister with autism (Laverick-Brown & Stanek, 2014).

Quality Time with Other Family Members

Having a child with autism can present unique challenges and rewards, which may place increased demands upon parents’ attention and time. However, parents should make sure to arrange quality time with their neurotypical children as well. Even if it is only for a few minutes at the end of the day or a special afternoon spent only with the child once a week, this individualized attention helps improve children’s self-esteem and reduces resentment towards the sibling with ASD, who often needs and receives more attention (Wheeler, 2019). Here are a couple of suggestions on how to make time for the neurotypical sibling:

• Have a trusted sitter care for the child with ASD. This can be done at home or at a care center that specializes in children with autism or at a relatives/friend’s home.
• Have one parent spend time with the child while the other parent/family member takes care of the rest of the family. Even if it is only for a quick trip to get ice cream or to read a bedtime story, the quality not the quantity of the time is what matters.

Connecting to Other Kids

Research also shows that neurotypical children benefit from support outside of the home and make connections with other kids who have similar experiences (Moss, et al., 2018). There are even online support groups that meet virtually such as Sib-Teen, but of course, parents need to ensure the safety and legitimacy of the groups. When the neurotypical child realizes there are many other kids like them, it helps them to gain perspective on their own experiences and challenges.

Final Thoughts

When a child is diagnosed with ASD, the entire family often comes together to support the child, but also each other. Through parental efforts, the neurotypical children of the family can also be supported during this process, connect meaningfully with their siblings, and build healthy relationships that will last a lifetime.

 

 

References

Autism, My Sibling, and Me. Organization for Autism Research. (n.d.). https://researchautism.org/resources/autism-my-sibling-and-me/.

Green, L. (2013). The Well-Being of Siblings of Individuals with Autism. ISRN Neurology, 2013, 1–7. https://doi.org/10.1155/2013/417194

HS Get Informed. Organization for Autism Research. (n.d.). https://researchautism.org/education/students-corner/hs-get-informed/.

Kit for Kids. Organization for Autism Research. (n.d.). https://researchautism.org/education/students-corner/kit-for-kids/.

Laverick-Brown, L., & Staneck , J. (2014). Brothers, Sisters, and Autism: A Parent’s Guide. Organization for Autism Research. https://researchautism.org/resources/brothers-sisters-and-autism-a-parents-guide/.

Life as an Autism Sibling: A Guide for Teens. Organization for Autism Research. (n.d.). https://researchautism.org/resources/life-as-an-autism-sibling-a-guide-for-teens/.

Moss, P., Eirinaki, V., Savage, S., & Howlin, P. (2019). Growing older with autism – the experiences of adult siblings of individuals with autism. Research in Autism Spectrum Disorders, 63, 42–51. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.rasd.2018.10.005

Resources for Parents. Sesame Street and Autism. (n.d.). https://autism.sesamestreet.org/.

SIBTEEN. Sibling Support Project. (2020, December 1). https://siblingsupport.org/connect/sibteen/.

Wheeler, M. (n.d.). Siblings Perspectives: Some Guidelines for Parents. Indiana Resource Center for Autism. https://www.iidc.indiana.edu/irca/articles/siblings-perspectives-some-guidelines-for-parents.html#:~:text=Siblings%20need%20time%20to%20work,negative%20as%20normal%20and%20acceptable.