I think the lead in this story is very well done, because it does a good job of getting to the point quickly. That is something that is from the good writing rules. Although it does go for quite a long time, it is a very effective lead.
“Gaps in how the military conducts background checks enabled the shooter in Monday’s deadly Washington Navy Yard rampage to obtain a high-level security clearance and gain access to protected installations, despite a history of disciplinary problems in the Navy and run-ins with police.”
This is a great example of a short paragraph that introduces a new quote. In the book it mentions that good writers usually start a new paragraph when they quote someone.
“The security investigation in this case doesn’t seem adequate,” said Michael Barrett, owner of Diligent Innovations, a federal security contractor based in Arlington, Va.”
Here I really like the use of the time frame. In the book it says use statistics sparingly, but when used, make them powerful. This is a powerful stat because it shows how long the process is, and why people mess up sometimes.
“The Pentagon faces a backlog of five to six months on background checks, which places pressure on the outside firms that conduct most of them to finish their work quickly.”
This sentence does a good job of not falling into the Common Sentence Errors. They do a good job of making the sentences parallel to each other.
“Yesterday’s tragic and senseless violence highlights the importance of complete, thorough background investigations of the contractors and subcontractors granted access to Navy installations,” McCaskill wrote.”