Did you take a moment to think about what you’re thankful for this past week? At our Thanksgiving meal we have a family tradition of taking a moment to go around the table and reflect, lighting the candle of the person next to you and sharing something for which you’re thankful. Are the candles necessary? No, we have electricity. I think the candles are a visible symbol of many ideas, but maybe most importantly they are a reflection of intentionality. It takes time to light candles and not catch your neighboring family member on fire. It helps slow us down, helps us take the time to stop and reflect. If you stopped to think about giving thanks, what did you lift up? Personally, I wrestled with not wanting to say the same thing that everyone else wanted to say (even though I am very much thankful for all those things too). I didn’t want to go on with a long list, even though certainly is a long list of things for which to be thankful. There are lots of things that I probably wouldn’t even remember to be thankful for or list because the bounty that surrounds us is so plentiful. During this family ritual, our eleven year old, Carter, said he was thankful that we were able to help people that morning – taking Thanksgiving meals to less fortunate people in the community. It struck me that most of what we’re thankful for is a benefit or blessing for us. Thankful for what WE have. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that and I think we SHOULD stop and give thanks for the many blessings we have. [Insert levity here:] Carter’s reflection was followed by younger brother Max’s contribution: “I’m thankful for mySELF”! When I heard Carter’s response, my immediate reaction was “what a thoughtful and considerate young man!” and then I didn’t think about it anymore that day. But his focus on being thankful for how we can help others returned to me last night as I waited in line at the grocery store.
There were only two people in front of me and I was elated to be so fortunate. I don’t usually have much patience waiting in line at the store. Just when I thought this was about to be my favorite (and shortest) trip ever, the woman at the front of the line attempting to pay, ran into trouble. I noticed she was using a Lone Star Card (food stamp program) and it wasn’t working. While trying not to get frustrated with her child who was getting impatient, she attempted to call someone on the phone to solve the problem. At this point, I remember thinking, “seriously, you’re calling someone?” My speedy trip through the line just ground to a halt. The person she was calling didn’t answer and she seemed panicked about what to do. She did, however, seem concerned that she was holding up the line. For that, I gave thanks. I decided that really, I wasn’t late for an important meeting or anything, so it wouldn’t hurt me to calm down and make sure I wasn’t sending any signals of being irritated or inconvenienced. The woman asked the cashier if there was anyway she could move her loaded grocery cart to the side and let the people behind go ahead while she waited for her lifeline to return her call. After all my groceries were loaded and paid for, I could tell she wasn’t any closer to a resolution and Carter’s message rang through my head again — be thankful for how you can help others. I asked the cashier how much the woman owed and if I could pay for it. He looked at me like I was crazy. I was nervous about how much the bill might be. I certainly don’t mind giving an amount that won’t inconvenience me, but if the price tag were above that, would I be able to say, “Oh, then nevermind!” without looking like a jerk? The amount was not inconsequential, but it was less than my own groceries, so I swallowed hard and handed over again my credit card. As I prepared to leave, the woman with two kids and a cart full of groceries kept trying to call someone to help with her situation. I wheeled my groceries by, handed her the receipt, and said, “Merry Christmas, you’re good to go.” I smiled and quickly went on my way, not wanting to seem like I was waiting for her to shower me with thank yous.
One of the things I didn’t say at our Thanksgiving meal was that I was thankful to have enough money to put food on the table. I never even stopped to consider it. I was too busy thinking about things more fortunate people have to be thankful for. It always bothers me when people say things like “we are so fortunate” – It feels greedy to me, but it’s true. Maybe it feels uncomfortable because it seems to demand that we take action in light of the acknowledgement. If we are so fortunate, perhaps we have an obligation to use that fortune, to share those blessings. Are we thankful for what we have (that makes our lives easier, more comfortable, more convenient, more cushy) or are we thankful for the opportunities to help other people?
If you’ve made it this far, do me a favor. I’d love it if instead of commenting on this post, instead of giving me kudos for being such a benevolent person, you do these three things. Take a moment to reflect on opportunities to give. Then give thanks for those opportunities. Then act.