Whenever I feel a bittersweet feeling of melancholy and nostalgia creep into my bones, I also start to think about all of the molded gelatin salads that I ate at innumerable potlucks held by the Lutheran ladies in the church of my youth. Although I wouldn’t blame Lutherans for inventing the molded jello salad, I would fault them for raising the recipe to high art, albeit “pop” art, populism in its most base form. Though the term “exotic” never enters the same sentence describing the nature of gelatin desserts, most cooks making a strangely shaped gelatin dessert thought they were bordering on the exotic, if not original, use of gelatin. Whenever I eat gelatin, I am always reminded of the bowls of red gelatin that came out in summer to celebrate friends, family and colleagues at picnics, reunions, and random get-togethers. I still love red gelatin, but I don’t want anything odd in it. I think there still exists a tendency on the part of some cooks to “jazz up” their recipes and presentations by adding other foods, fruit cocktail and little canned tangerines being among the most common. I have also see shrimp, tuna, cabbage, olives, anchovies, spam, celery, carrots and radishes floating suspended in green gelatin. There is something rather grotesque about seeing a shrimp suspended in green gelatin coming toward your mouth. Just because you can suspend different fruits, vegetables, meats, and fish in gelatin does not mean you should do it, necessarily. Gelatin is rather sweet, and it seems rather diabolical, if not unethical, to mix olives and Spam into a molded gelatin salad–and it’s not really salad either. I’ve seen people make some rather entertaining desserts constructed of gelatin cubes and whipped cream, but this a far cry from celery, carrots and cabbage in gelatin. I often wonder if the creators of such monstrosities ever eat their own potential fiascoes. Gelatin as a food is problematic for lots of reasons, not the least of which is its wiggly nature. Being transparent doesn’t help because unwary cooks will always fall into the trap of trying to put something interesting into the gelatin for the unwary consumer to look at. Just because you can do something does not necessarily mean you should. Gelatin cut into cubes, stacked in a decorative glass, and topped with a little whipped cream, though not very daring, is an acceptable dessert. Gelatin forced into strange molds of fish, dogs, geometric shapes, and rings is not. Is there a creepier food out there than a yellow gelatin molded fish with canned mandarin oranges and tiny salad shrimps suspended in it? And it’s been garnished with celery and parsley by some adventurous and imaginative cook who scammed the recipe out of that one church cookbook her cousin Marge gave her. Or a large five-pointed star of molded red gelatin in which someone has suspended chopped olives, fruit cocktail, and shredded carrots? Perhaps the only thing weirder than that is seeing a ring of orange gelatin with little bits of stuff floating in it which you cannot identify at all. I’ve eaten a lot of weird things, but between the slimy giggle factor and its unidentified contents, a strange molded gelatin salad is not my idea of good eats, but I say this not because I hate gelatin, but because as a food it has been abused by creative cooks anxious to impress the in-laws with some wildly exotic combination of shredded Spam and horseradish, which when suspended in gelatin in the company of white rice might be considered criminal behavior. Really, don’t make me cry. Just give me a bowl of red gelatin with nothing weird in it, and I will be a happy camper–end of story.
Category Archives: sugar
On a molded gelatin salad
Whenever I feel a bittersweet feeling of melancholy and nostalgia creep into my bones, I also start to think about all of the molded gelatin salads that I ate at innumerable potlucks held by the Lutheran ladies in the church of my youth. Although I wouldn’t blame Lutherans for inventing the molded jello salad, I would fault them for raising the recipe to high art, albeit “pop” art, populism in its most base form. Though the term “exotic” never enters the same sentence describing the nature of gelatin desserts, most cooks making a strangely shaped gelatin dessert thought they were bordering on the exotic, if not original, use of gelatin. Whenever I eat gelatin, I am always reminded of the bowls of red gelatin that came out in summer to celebrate friends, family and colleagues at picnics, reunions, and random get-togethers. I still love red gelatin, but I don’t want anything odd in it. I think there still exists a tendency on the part of some cooks to “jazz up” their recipes and presentations by adding other foods, fruit cocktail and little canned tangerines being among the most common. I have also see shrimp, tuna, cabbage, olives, anchovies, spam, celery, carrots and radishes floating suspended in green gelatin. There is something rather grotesque about seeing a shrimp suspended in green gelatin coming toward your mouth. Just because you can suspend different fruits, vegetables, meats, and fish in gelatin does not mean you should do it, necessarily. Gelatin is rather sweet, and it seems rather diabolical, if not unethical, to mix olives and Spam into a molded gelatin salad–and it’s not really salad either. I’ve seen people make some rather entertaining desserts constructed of gelatin cubes and whipped cream, but this a far cry from celery, carrots and cabbage in gelatin. I often wonder if the creators of such monstrosities ever eat their own potential fiascoes. Gelatin as a food is problematic for lots of reasons, not the least of which is its wiggly nature. Being transparent doesn’t help because unwary cooks will always fall into the trap of trying to put something interesting into the gelatin for the unwary consumer to look at. Just because you can do something does not necessarily mean you should. Gelatin cut into cubes, stacked in a decorative glass, and topped with a little whipped cream, though not very daring, is an acceptable dessert. Gelatin forced into strange molds of fish, dogs, geometric shapes, and rings is not. Is there a creepier food out there than a yellow gelatin molded fish with canned mandarin oranges and tiny salad shrimps suspended in it? And it’s been garnished with celery and parsley by some adventurous and imaginative cook who scammed the recipe out of that one church cookbook her cousin Marge gave her. Or a large five-pointed star of molded red gelatin in which someone has suspended chopped olives, fruit cocktail, and shredded carrots? Perhaps the only thing weirder than that is seeing a ring of orange gelatin with little bits of stuff floating in it which you cannot identify at all. I’ve eaten a lot of weird things, but between the slimy giggle factor and its unidentified contents, a strange molded gelatin salad is not my idea of good eats, but I say this not because I hate gelatin, but because as a food it has been abused by creative cooks anxious to impress the in-laws with some wildly exotic combination of shredded Spam and horseradish, which when suspended in gelatin in the company of white rice might be considered criminal behavior. Really, don’t make me cry. Just give me a bowl of red gelatin with nothing weird in it, and I will be a happy camper–end of story.
On not snacking
I shouldn’t do it. I shouldn’t even write about it. I shouldn’t watch cooking shows. I shouldn’t own cookbooks, go to grocery stores, check ads in the paper, watch commercials on television, or fantasize about the next cake or pie I’m going to bake. I have enough food at the two meals a day that I eat. (Breakfast is a mess for me because one, I’m not hungry in the morning, and two, eggs make me sick, so no breakfast.) My metabolism has slowed over the last decade and every snack that I eat goes to live on my waste. The sad truth is that when I get the munchies, I just have to endure otherwise I would be the size of the Goodyear blimp. Snacks are not, in and of themselves, evil, it is only snackers, those partaking of snacks who are evil or who have evil in their hearts. Whether it is pizza or cookies, cereal or chocolate cake, snacks are everywhere in our society, and at least three-quarters of the fast food industry is based on snacks–burgers, chicken, tacos, pasta, ribs, pizza–not a stand-up square meal. Fast food joints may offer salads and fruit, a fish sandwich, vegan dishes and the like, but people, most people, go for the snack food. What is so sinister about snacks is that they are, by their very nature, temptation unleashed. Juicy, salty, fatty, sweet, they appeal to our basest desires to sate our darkest desires even when we have no need–none whatsoever. We are, for the most part, a well-fed society. A good majority of us have more than enough food every day. The fact that our food supply is so overwhelmingly prevalent and accessible stands in dark contrast to how the rest of the world lives, or not. We overeat at every turn, and we still snack. Go to the movies and watch people buy their popcorn, candy, and soda just after they have had a meal. They probably just ate at home just before they came to the movie theater. At home, we stock the larder with all kinds of snacks–cookies, crackers, pretzels, pizza, nuggets, chocolate, cereal, pizza, ice cream, candy, and I haven’t even mentioned all the leftovers in the fridge upon which we might graze–hot dogs, hamburgers, meatballs, mashed potatoes, pork chops, steak, lasagna. Don’t get me wrong, I love to snack as much as the next guy, maybe more in fact. I love to stay up late and eat potato chips, really salty, really crunchy. Maybe the all-time best snack every, a little salty, sweet, crunchy, freshly made caramel corn. Not the stuff you buy in the store, but the stuff you pop yourself and mix with your own homemade caramel sauce. Temptation never had it so easy. I guess the problem with snacks is that it is food we just don’t need to eat, but we can’t either stop or help ourselves. Doughnuts, who needs a doughnut? A triple white mocha with whipped cream and sprinkles? Pound cake with frosting? Muffins. Did anyone ever need to eat a muffin, or it’s weird and creepy doppleganger, the frosted cupcake. As a society we are considering legislation to limit the sale of super-sized soft drinks of 64 or more ounces because obesity is such a problem in America. I imagine this begs the question: is our own success killing us because we cannot control, on a personal level, the amount of food that we eat?
On gluttony
We are probably only kidding ourselves if we don’t think that we eat too much. I have come very close to writing this note on several occasions, but I have always stopped because for most people, not all, the decision to overeat is theirs. Living in a land of plenty, we have an opportunity at every meal to eat too much. The food is plentiful, nutritious, and tasty. Modern science has solved most of the issues surrounding safe food conservation, and between refrigeration and chemical food additives, food does not spoil before we eat it. The result of all this success and plenty are supermarkets, restaurants, and big box retailers that are loaded to the brim with lots of food. During the medieval period, food was less safe and less plentiful, and gluttony was one of the seven deadly sins. Staying trim was less an effort because there was less food and lots of work. Obesity was not common and most people did not have weight problems. Sugar was a very scarce commodity and uncommon in the diets of most normal people. Today, sugar is everywhere, and even the mayor of New York City is concerned about people buying 64 ounce soft drinks to suck on all day. I do not think it is the governments job to legislate eating habits, which does not work anyway. Most people suffer from gluttony because they are really quite unaware that they don’t need about half of the food they are eating at any given sitting. Most adults can probably get by with two small meals a day unless they are involved in heavy physical labor such as construction or farming. Sitting at a desk and looking at a computer screen all day does not qualify as physical work. We all eat too much because it’s very pleasurable, it’s very plentiful, and we exercise no self-control. Eating turns into a nervous habit that we do for fun, not for nutrition. The result is obesity, and (no puns intended) it’s a growing problem. Ask yourself this: have you had to buy larger and larger clothes to contain your expanding girth? Have you supersized anything in the past month? The simple truth is that most people are eating about twice what they really need. Gluttony is almost an accidental byproduct of a society wallowing in its own success. Our economy is driven by the food industry which spends billions on advertising, product development, packaging, transportation, and labor, and millions of hard-working men and women depend on the food industry for their daily bread. It is very hard to tell people to eat less when eating is a status symbol of financial success. Other generations do us no favors by encouraging us to clean our plates or eat as much as we can. “If you don’t eat, you’re going to dry up and blow away!” The sad truth is that we can eat a whole lot, and if we do those things on a consistent basis we are going to be as big a blimp, victims of our own excess. Every person has the right to choose how much they don’t eat, but almost no one has the ability to recognize themselves as a glutton and put down their forks and push away from the table. The sad truth about gluttony is that we no longer see it as a sin, and since we exercise no self-control concern food and eating habits, we are slowly, but surely, killing ourselves.
On gluttony
We are probably only kidding ourselves if we don’t think that we eat too much. I have come very close to writing this note on several occasions, but I have always stopped because for most people, not all, the decision to overeat is theirs. Living in a land of plenty, we have an opportunity at every meal to eat too much. The food is plentiful, nutritious, and tasty. Modern science has solved most of the issues surrounding safe food conservation, and between refrigeration and chemical food additives, food does not spoil before we eat it. The result of all this success and plenty are supermarkets, restaurants, and big box retailers that are loaded to the brim with lots of food. During the medieval period, food was less safe and less plentiful, and gluttony was one of the seven deadly sins. Staying trim was less an effort because there was less food and lots of work. Obesity was not common and most people did not have weight problems. Sugar was a very scarce commodity and uncommon in the diets of most normal people. Today, sugar is everywhere, and even the mayor of New York City is concerned about people buying 64 ounce soft drinks to suck on all day. I do not think it is the governments job to legislate eating habits, which does not work anyway. Most people suffer from gluttony because they are really quite unaware that they don’t need about half of the food they are eating at any given sitting. Most adults can probably get by with two small meals a day unless they are involved in heavy physical labor such as construction or farming. Sitting at a desk and looking at a computer screen all day does not qualify as physical work. We all eat too much because it’s very pleasurable, it’s very plentiful, and we exercise no self-control. Eating turns into a nervous habit that we do for fun, not for nutrition. The result is obesity, and (no puns intended) it’s a growing problem. Ask yourself this: have you had to buy larger and larger clothes to contain your expanding girth? Have you supersized anything in the past month? The simple truth is that most people are eating about twice what they really need. Gluttony is almost an accidental byproduct of a society wallowing in its own success. Our economy is driven by the food industry which spends billions on advertising, product development, packaging, transportation, and labor, and millions of hard-working men and women depend on the food industry for their daily bread. It is very hard to tell people to eat less when eating is a status symbol of financial success. Other generations do us no favors by encouraging us to clean our plates or eat as much as we can. “If you don’t eat, you’re going to dry up and blow away!” The sad truth is that we can eat a whole lot, and if we do those things on a consistent basis we are going to be as big a blimp, victims of our own excess. Every person has the right to choose how much they don’t eat, but almost no one has the ability to recognize themselves as a glutton and put down their forks and push away from the table. The sad truth about gluttony is that we no longer see it as a sin, and since we exercise no self-control concern food and eating habits, we are slowly, but surely, killing ourselves.
On milk
Milk, a food of which I am very fond, is a curious food and an odd liquid, but once you develop a taste for it, you probably can’t live without it. Designed by Mother Nature to feed babies who cannot handle more complex food stuffs (they can’t chew meat yet), this high energy drink is perfect for feeding a new born and bringing out the flavor in a strong cup of coffee, especially if it’s whole milk, a treat in and of itself. There are lots of debates about how long a human baby should nurse, but humans don’t think twice about putting cow’s milk in just about everything or just drinking it straight without any kind of culinary intervention. Cow’s milk, from the species bos taurus, if you like the stuff, has a familiar, sweet, comforting taste, great on cereal, or peaches, or strawberries. Milk shakes are pure madness, a high caloric explosion taste and flavor gathered together in a tour-d-force of sheer cold creaminess. Put some in a fresh cup of hot tea with a little sugar. A glass of milk before bed relaxes the mind and humors the tummy, especially if a couple of cookies are consumed at the same time. There are a few grouches out there who hate milk, just can’t stand the stuff, hate the smell, abhor the taste, and avoid it at any cost. I wonder what they put on their cereal in the morning? Since I don’t drink any sugary sodas or soft drinks, I will often order milk in a fast food establishment (when real food is not an option), and I always get that strange question, white or chocolate? Now, there is nothing wrong with chocolate milk, and as a child, I drank plenty of chocolate milk, but I have always preferred the original. As I’ve grown older and have to watch the cholesterol, I drink 1%, mostly because skim milk hardly resembles milk at all, being a watery ghost of the original. I still drink milk because of the calcium, and the vitamins, but it doesn’t do my waste line any favors, and I’m sure I store every bit of fat in the milk–I’m just not a youngster any more. There is something magical about having milk and cookies at 1:00 am when the rest of the house has retired and no one is looking. Drinking milk makes me very nostalgic for a childhood that went by too fast, for a golden time of innocence when things seemed simpler, and perhaps they were. I drank milk with breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and never thought much of it. Running out always caused a crisis that had to be solved immediately before anything else ever got done. I understand that some people have a real sensitivity to milk and can’t drink the stuff without getting deathly ill, but those same people have no problem with overdosing on full-sugar soft drinks that are equally bad for them. So I continue to drink milk, trying to control my enthusiasm for this odd liquid.
On milk
Milk, a food of which I am very fond, is a curious food and an odd liquid, but once you develop a taste for it, you probably can’t live without it. Designed by Mother Nature to feed babies who cannot handle more complex food stuffs (they can’t chew meat yet), this high energy drink is perfect for feeding a new born and bringing out the flavor in a strong cup of coffee, especially if it’s whole milk, a treat in and of itself. There are lots of debates about how long a human baby should nurse, but humans don’t think twice about putting cow’s milk in just about everything or just drinking it straight without any kind of culinary intervention. Cow’s milk, from the species bos taurus, if you like the stuff, has a familiar, sweet, comforting taste, great on cereal, or peaches, or strawberries. Milk shakes are pure madness, a high caloric explosion taste and flavor gathered together in a tour-d-force of sheer cold creaminess. Put some in a fresh cup of hot tea with a little sugar. A glass of milk before bed relaxes the mind and humors the tummy, especially if a couple of cookies are consumed at the same time. There are a few grouches out there who hate milk, just can’t stand the stuff, hate the smell, abhor the taste, and avoid it at any cost. I wonder what they put on their cereal in the morning? Since I don’t drink any sugary sodas or soft drinks, I will often order milk in a fast food establishment (when real food is not an option), and I always get that strange question, white or chocolate? Now, there is nothing wrong with chocolate milk, and as a child, I drank plenty of chocolate milk, but I have always preferred the original. As I’ve grown older and have to watch the cholesterol, I drink 1%, mostly because skim milk hardly resembles milk at all, being a watery ghost of the original. I still drink milk because of the calcium, and the vitamins, but it doesn’t do my waste line any favors, and I’m sure I store every bit of fat in the milk–I’m just not a youngster any more. There is something magical about having milk and cookies at 1:00 am when the rest of the house has retired and no one is looking. Drinking milk makes me very nostalgic for a childhood that went by too fast, for a golden time of innocence when things seemed simpler, and perhaps they were. I drank milk with breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and never thought much of it. Running out always caused a crisis that had to be solved immediately before anything else ever got done. I understand that some people have a real sensitivity to milk and can’t drink the stuff without getting deathly ill, but those same people have no problem with overdosing on full-sugar soft drinks that are equally bad for them. So I continue to drink milk, trying to control my enthusiasm for this odd liquid.
On sugar
Why we are drawn to sugar is not really a mystery. Sugar is a high source of energy, and will ensure the survival of the organism in the face of almost any disaster, flood, fire, blizzard, tornado or earthquake. Sugar enters the blood like a steamroller and energizes the body in a way that almost no other food does. So we love sugar, it’s crystalline sweetness is a Siren song that cannot be resisted. Those who have eaten sugar and sugary foods have flourished and have passed on their genes, and those that passed up the sugar have long since been eliminated from the gene pool. Nevertheless, we have access today to more sugar than we should ever consume or need, but the desire for sugar which our ancestors left with us, is an ongoing legacy that is now getting us into trouble. We still desire sugar but we no longer need sugar because our dietary needs are much different than they were 100,000 years ago. We have become a nation of fatties because we cannot resist the sugar. Foods that no one should eat under almost any circumstance: soda pop, candy (including chocolate), breakfast cereal, ice cream, french fries, caramel corn. Even if we eat just a little bit of these things, we always sin by overeating, which is probably the real reason we are getting fat. Forget the sugar, we simply have too much food. No one should eat fast food, but fast food is everywhere, and most fast food has way too much sugar in it, the portions are growing annually, and we are more and more unhealthy. Yet, we make sugary desserts–pies, cakes, cookies, puddings, and we avoid healthier alternatives such as fruit, which has some sugar, but not quite as much as those other things. Eating less in general is a good thing. Eliminating sugar almost entirely is an ideal that can only be realized with an organized effort on the part of any given person. The sugar craving legacy of our ancestors is not only impossible to fight, it’s a fight that is killing us. Perhaps those who will live to pass on their genes to future generations will be those who do not crave sugar? Snack time!
On sugar
Why we are drawn to sugar is not really a mystery. Sugar is a high source of energy, and will ensure the survival of the organism in the face of almost any disaster, flood, fire, blizzard, tornado or earthquake. Sugar enters the blood like a steamroller and energizes the body in a way that almost no other food does. So we love sugar, it’s crystalline sweetness is a Siren song that cannot be resisted. Those who have eaten sugar and sugary foods have flourished and have passed on their genes, and those that passed up the sugar have long since been eliminated from the gene pool. Nevertheless, we have access today to more sugar than we should ever consume or need, but the desire for sugar which our ancestors left with us, is an ongoing legacy that is now getting us into trouble. We still desire sugar but we no longer need sugar because our dietary needs are much different than they were 100,000 years ago. We have become a nation of fatties because we cannot resist the sugar. Foods that no one should eat under almost any circumstance: soda pop, candy (including chocolate), breakfast cereal, ice cream, french fries, caramel corn. Even if we eat just a little bit of these things, we always sin by overeating, which is probably the real reason we are getting fat. Forget the sugar, we simply have too much food. No one should eat fast food, but fast food is everywhere, and most fast food has way too much sugar in it, the portions are growing annually, and we are more and more unhealthy. Yet, we make sugary desserts–pies, cakes, cookies, puddings, and we avoid healthier alternatives such as fruit, which has some sugar, but not quite as much as those other things. Eating less in general is a good thing. Eliminating sugar almost entirely is an ideal that can only be realized with an organized effort on the part of any given person. The sugar craving legacy of our ancestors is not only impossible to fight, it’s a fight that is killing us. Perhaps those who will live to pass on their genes to future generations will be those who do not crave sugar? Snack time!