On stroller blocking as an Olympic sport

Call them whatever you want–useful, weird, bulky, broken–but baby strollers are going to be a new Olympic sport at the next games in Brazil in 2016. Just like bobsledding, there are different modalities, but all have to do with how well the driver of the stroller can block a sidewalk, a supermarket aisle, a street, an escalator, there will be different landscapes in which the stroller athlete will have to successfully block anyone from getting past them. The Olympic committee hasn’t finalized the rules yet, but some of the different modalities will be mother, baby, and dog, or mother, baby, and grandmother. They are also planning modalities which include other siblings, multiple family members, and fallen toys. Strollers will be categorized by cost, construction, width, and size of tires. All team members will have to be from the same country. There will be a special modality for colapsable strollers, people who eat ice cream, and mothers who cannot stop talking on their cell phones. Crying babies in the rain will occur on the final day of competition, featuring cross mother-in-laws, lost fathers, a dog pooping, the police, and multiple neighbors of varying sizes. There will be a special modality in which the parents carry the child and push an empty stroller while they both talk on their cell phones, the dog pees on grandma, and the older sibling skins her/his knee while rollerskating. Stroller blocking is not for the weak of heart, and all participants must where helmets (and men must wear hard cups). The sport has been criticized in the past for its overt violence.

On stroller blocking as an Olympic sport

Call them whatever you want–useful, weird, bulky, broken–but baby strollers are going to be a new Olympic sport at the next games in Brazil in 2016. Just like bobsledding, there are different modalities, but all have to do with how well the driver of the stroller can block a sidewalk, a supermarket aisle, a street, an escalator, there will be different landscapes in which the stroller athlete will have to successfully block anyone from getting past them. The Olympic committee hasn’t finalized the rules yet, but some of the different modalities will be mother, baby, and dog, or mother, baby, and grandmother. They are also planning modalities which include other siblings, multiple family members, and fallen toys. Strollers will be categorized by cost, construction, width, and size of tires. All team members will have to be from the same country. There will be a special modality for colapsable strollers, people who eat ice cream, and mothers who cannot stop talking on their cell phones. Crying babies in the rain will occur on the final day of competition, featuring cross mother-in-laws, lost fathers, a dog pooping, the police, and multiple neighbors of varying sizes. There will be a special modality in which the parents carry the child and push an empty stroller while they both talk on their cell phones, the dog pees on grandma, and the older sibling skins her/his knee while rollerskating. Stroller blocking is not for the weak of heart, and all participants must where helmets (and men must wear hard cups). The sport has been criticized in the past for its overt violence.

On the (dysfunctional) super bowl

Needless to say, I’m not a fan of this particular game. Don’t get me wrong, I watch football all during football season, high school, college, and pro, but the Super Bowl seems very anti-climatic, and this year’s game was a total bust given the strange series of events that plagued the Broncos in the first half. Getting to the Super Bowl is always a bit of luck, given the “win or go home” nature of the playoffs which are based on a series of one game stand-offs. You win or you go home, but what if you are a good team and you simply have an unlucky game? It can happen. This is no apology for the Broncos who played rather badly after they were down and out. The entire second half was a complete wash after Harvin runs back the opening kickoff for a touchdown. Exciting to be sure, but unlucky for both the Broncos and network people who could hear the entire nation switching to re-runs of The Mentalist. Facing a 29 point deficit, the Broncos and the nation knew that game was over. Too much hype and too much marketing make this a very poor game to watch. Kudos to the Seahawks who played well on both sides of the ball, but the wheel will turn and their luck will certainly be different next year. A one game series is not a series at all. Every other sport plays seven games to decide who’s best, so why should football be different. Maybe they should play two games, on consecutive weekends–one in each team’s stadium–and add the two results together to decide who is best. It would certainly eliminate the element of luck–good or bad.

On the (dysfunctional) super bowl

Needless to say, I’m not a fan of this particular game. Don’t get me wrong, I watch football all during football season, high school, college, and pro, but the Super Bowl seems very anti-climatic, and this year’s game was a total bust given the strange series of events that plagued the Broncos in the first half. Getting to the Super Bowl is always a bit of luck, given the “win or go home” nature of the playoffs which are based on a series of one game stand-offs. You win or you go home, but what if you are a good team and you simply have an unlucky game? It can happen. This is no apology for the Broncos who played rather badly after they were down and out. The entire second half was a complete wash after Harvin runs back the opening kickoff for a touchdown. Exciting to be sure, but unlucky for both the Broncos and network people who could hear the entire nation switching to re-runs of The Mentalist. Facing a 29 point deficit, the Broncos and the nation knew that game was over. Too much hype and too much marketing make this a very poor game to watch. Kudos to the Seahawks who played well on both sides of the ball, but the wheel will turn and their luck will certainly be different next year. A one game series is not a series at all. Every other sport plays seven games to decide who’s best, so why should football be different. Maybe they should play two games, on consecutive weekends–one in each team’s stadium–and add the two results together to decide who is best. It would certainly eliminate the element of luck–good or bad.