2013.1.2 – Broetry


There’s a boutique in Florida, The Chameleon, where your sister used to work and where my mom still shops. I purchased there, on NYE day, a book called Broetry (Brian McGackin). It’s bananas.

Inspired by this book and the SEC loss (UF folded to Louisville in the Sugar Bowl), I’m going to share with you a broem I inadvertently wrote on a Waco to Austin drive in November. This is the height of simulacrum, since Broetry is a selection of poems a la Robert Frost, William Carlos Williams (and a bunch of others I don’t actually recognize) stylized for “dudes,” and this poem is just in the style of that style.

Ah, ah, hem, hem:


Fair Weather Fan

Let’s be honest for a sex,
a sec,
I said, SEC
The Southeastern Conference
The most storied franchise in the conference,
I meant that like “dynasty,”
like the Cowboys
like Emitt Smith–
he was the quarter back when–
Of course, I know their names,
Danny Wuerffel,
Sophomore Heisman Tebow
Chris Leak was a looker when I was in school
My school?
Not a state school
I cheer for my parents’ alma mater
a familial allegiance
go team
The winningest conference
Go, go, go—
Spurrier was their first Heisman,
coached their second
Hey, your offense didn’t show up
It was wild
Shut out
Ours?–top five
I meant defense
like the defensive lie
I said, line
game-changing reception on a third down,
Goooo team!
Beat the Gamecocks
Cock-tail party?
Call it the World’s Largest Outdoor Turnover Party
Driskel couldn’t keep it in the hole
I meant that like “pocket,”
like, tackled
Listen, let’s be honest for a sec
I said, a sec
the length of a two-point conversion attempt
These underwear are cotton,
like the bowl,
like the stubble on my legs,
like astroturf,
Oh. my.
I said Ron Cherry,
calls it like he sees it,
“giving him the business”?
Well. we lost it.
Forced to punt on a holding penalty
I said, punt.
Don’t call me that.