Everybody gets them, and always at the worst time. The munchies are rather irrational–eating when you don’t really need to. You had a big lunch or supper, but only a couple of hours have past and you already want a Twinky. You know that there is a fresh bag of chips in the cupboard, and you are planning your assault. The munchies show up at about midnight, maybe a little after. They also show up during sporting events, especially when you ensconced on your sofa drinking a refreshment. The munchies are an irrational craving that crawls into your brain like a Night Gallery earwig and gnaws at your cerebellum until you give in and make the popcorn, break open a new package of Ho-Ho’s, eat an entire row of Oreos, deep fry a few Twinkies, roll out a barrel of carmel corn, break out a box of chocolates, eat that Snickers that you hid away in the back of the freezer, go to White Castle for some sliders. Some people, skinny people mostly, can luxuriate in a profound attack of the munchies and suffer no ill effects from a night of gorging, but the rest of us feel nothing but bloat and guilt. Gluttony is a mortal sin, after all. But the munchies are amoral and know no bounds or ethical codes, are blind and unfeeling. The stomach growls, the saliva flows, and visions of sugar plums dance in your head. You start looking for your keys, the local gas station gas candy bars, peanuts, Cracker Jacks, and potato chips. Maybe some soda too. Some Little Debbie snack cakes. You stare into the dim light of the refrigerator wondering where the leftover meatloaf went and wondering what might happen if you resuscitate the macaroni and cheese that was left over last week and is starting to look furry. In disdain, you push aside a Diet Coke, and wonder if you can super-size an order of burgers at the local fast food chain, you know, the one with the clown. It’s three a.m. and the pit in your stomach is deep and empty, so you head out to Wally World for crackers, gum drops, Pop Tarts, Cheerios, milk, and a couple of caramel apples. The munchies are why the big box stores never close. They are filled with people trying to solve their munchies habit, walking up and down the aisles trying to find that one perfect snack that will resolve their craving. The munchies bring out the worst in all of us, eating when we don’t need it, ruining our diets, putting on some extra weight, wrecking our teeth, pushing our blood sugar to record levels. We dream of cheese cake, doughnuts, and cotton candy, but we should be eating a small salad with lettuce, tomato, and onion. Olives are part of the munchies family, so one must stay away from them. We have met the enemy, as Pogo once said, and he is us.