We all have heard about personalities being like onions in one way or another. Although the most common way was watching the classic childhood film Shrek. Although, there are many others who would use this metaphor to describe and understand others as well. One person being, Mckayla Couite , she also makes this comparison in her article People are Like Onions.  She brings up some great points, such as nothing is as it seems. We judge a person based on what we perceive, but this can be wrong. We never truly know a person based on the surface level because there is so much more going on inside. She also brings up another great point that while we know ourselves we don’t understand others. You cannot come to a conclusion  based off of watching people, instead you have to talk to them in order to better understand a person.  It is something that we must actively chose to do.

Griffin also brought up some great points about personality and how we understand others. He states that, “… Altman and Taylor believed it’s only by allowing Jon to penetrate well below the surface that Pete can truly draw close to his roommate.” (94). This allows us to understand that we will never know a person based on surface level. We must also open up to allow others to understand us.  Another point made is that, “A relational result has meaning only when we contrast it with other real or imagined possibilities.” (98).  We base our perceptions about people based on how we think we can relate to a person or think we can understand them. A final point is that, “Altman and Taylor’s theory doesn’t speak about the transition from me to we, but that apparently takes place only after an extended process of social penetration.” (103). This means we must be willing to get close to another for an extended period of time to truly understand another.

The first step to understanding one another is being able to talk and open up. By letting someone in, we allow people to understand us better and they can truly see who we are. Rather than them just having this view of us based on outward appearance and personality. Another thing, that is so common is viewing our relationships as transactional. We will only try to form a relationship with another person if we think we can grow close or if it will be positive. Although if we view relationships like a transaction we will never really know a person. Additionally you have to put in the effort to get to know someone, whether it end up being good or bad. Many do not want to form relations with another. Perhaps this is because we think it won’t be as good or fulfilling as those we already have. Furthermore, forming a relationship and understanding another person takes time and effort. You never truly understand a person until you have been close with them for a while. Overall, we as a society tend to assume things about one another. We don’t often take the time out to get to know one another, unless we think that the outcome will be good. At the same time we have to open ourselves up to others so they can understand us.