Blog #4: It’s A No From Me

Have you ever had a fight with one of your parents? For me, I think back to the days of middle school when my mom and I barley went a day without getting into an argument of some sort. Sometimes I believed my mom and I would argue just for the sake that each of us wanted to be right. Now as I’m a senior in college we rarely argue and if we do, I handle it much more like an adult which makes these arguments a lot smoother. In general, I remember my mom saying no to something that I had asked of her, from her, or to her and thinking “she just says no to say no.” As I’ve gotten older and watch my parents argue with and parent my brother, who’s now a senior in high school, I see the consistency that they once held with me. My brother will ask to do something that maybe they don’t totally disagree with, but if they’ve said no before, most of the time the answer is still no. Don’t get me wrong, I believe there are reasons for the “no” phenomenon children see in their parents that regard the safety and health of the child, etc. But it’s also interesting to consider the possibility of other things that influence the way parents parent their children.

In our book “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion” by Robert Cialdini, in chapter three Cialdini addresses commitment and consistency. In order to help us better understand what consistency and commitment is, Cialdini mentions towards the beginning of this chapter is that “it is important to recognize that in most circumstances consistency is valued and adaptive.” which he says makes it “so powerful a motive…” (Cialdini, 60) Cialdini discusses in this chapter the human nature that is behind us being consistent and upholding commitment as it is part of what stems our everyday behavior. Levels of high and low consistency are related to a certain type of person, either being looked down upon with low levels of consistency, or looked to as a noble person with someone who has high levels of consistency. Cialdini points out that “because it is so typically in our best interests to be consistent, we easily fall into the habit of being automatically so, even in situations where it is not the sensible way to be.” (Cialdini, 60) Cialdini says that consistency offers a “shortcut” and that “we need only believe say, or do whatever is consistent with our earlier decision.” (Cialdini, 61)

When considering the experiences, I have had with my parents and watching them parent my brother, I can see the ways in which they have chosen to be consistent with the rules they enforced, even if they may differ on those rules or feel as though there is no reason to argue about it. The shortcut being consistent can provide can sometimes be the easy way to ease a situation that may require more thought or effort or even result in an argument should they engage in the conversation. As Cialdini says, it is a human nature to follow through with being consistent. If my parents were not to be consistent after they chose a previous decision there was the chance that as their children we would see the “undesirable personality trait….whose beliefs, words, and deeds don’t match (and) may be seen as “indecisive confused, two-faced…” (Cialdini, 60) Being consistent as a parent can often be in the best interest of the child, but also relates directly back to the ideas Cialdini points out in this chapter when it comes to consistency and commitment.

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