Week 5: A Gilmore Meltdown

In my first blog post, I gave a brief background on the show Gilmore Girls. As I mentioned, Lorelai is a single mother with a strong personality, living in the small town of Stars Hollow. Luke is a friend of Lorelai’s throughout the show, and eventually becomes a man she dates. However, Luke and Lorelai hadn’t always shared their innermost thoughts and feelings with each other, as Luke is a guy who keeps to himself, and Lorelai is a positive force of nature. In this clip of Gilmore Girls, we see Lorelai sharing with Luke many of her struggles she has recently been facing. Lorelai is in the midst of opening her own Inn in their town and has found herself running out of money. After missing a dinner with Luke because of an encounter with her judgmental grandmother she finds herself a mess. As you see in the clip, she runs into Luke quickly getting to the core of her feelings, emotions, dreams, and self-image. She finds herself at a state of vulnerability which sparks a connection her and Luke had never shared before, and that’s where I see Social Penetration Theory come into play.

Our textbook “A First Look at Communication Theory” defines social penetration as “the process of developing deeper intimacy with another person through mutual self-disclosure and other forms of vulnerability.” (97) The author of Social Penetration theory argues that it can play a large role in our relationships and how they are formed. They claim that self-disclosure in short is voluntary transparency, which leads to closeness between two people in a relationship. (97) They discuss the “Depth and Breadth of Self-Disclosure” as also being an important asset to relational intimacy. These refer to the “depth of penetration” meaning how deep you dig into a certain aspect of one’s life, as well as the “breadth of penetration” which is what they describe as the range of areas in “which disclosure takes place.” (98,99) The authors of this theory give us the analogy of an onion, each layer being a deeper more intimate part of one’s life that gets exposed as self-disclosure increases. The authors also mention the “Law of Reciprocity”. (99) This is what they claim is process that allows one person’s openness to lead to the openness of the other person involved. All of these things are parts that make up Social Penetration Theory and define what it means to us in society.

In relation to the Gilmore Girls clip that has been referenced, I see Social Penetration Theory prevalent in the conversation between Luke and Lorelai. Lorelai starts the conversation running into Luke not quite penetrating the deeper layers of her onion, but as the conversation quickly escalates, we find her discussing things like her concept of self, which is the deepest level of penetration according to Social Penetration Theory, as well things like her goals of opening the Inn, and deeper familial issues. We are also able to see an example of the depth and breadth that Social Penetration Theory references.  What we can’t see in this clip, is the door it opens to Luke being vulnerable to Lorelai as time goes on. The next day, while he gives her the money, he shares some about the troubles in his marriage, which follows along with the Law of Reciprocity the authors tell us about. Lorelai’s’ self-disclosure in this clip leads to an intimate moment crying on Luke’s shoulder. We can see here how being vulnerable opens doors to a mutual feeling of closeness allowing Social Penetration Theory to play a role Luke and Lorelai’s relationship as well as many of our own real life circumstances.

One of my favorite shows is the TV series, “Gilmore Girls”. To give it a quick recap, this show is about the relationship between an extremely close mother and daughter duo who face challenges from family, friends, and relationships to school and work through the course of the show. Lorelai is the independent, upbeat, coffee-addict mother to Rory. Rory is a Brainiac young girl who is proudly similar to her mother in values, personality, and eating habits, just to name a few. Rory’s intelligence landed her at Yale University. While at Yale, Rory met Logan Huntzberger, a fellow Yale student who became her boyfriend. In this episode of Gilmore Girls, we see Rory and Logan fighting over a previous miscommunication regarding time they spent apart due to relationship issues. This probably isn’t the first time you’ve witnessed miscommunication or misunderstandings in a relationship. How often do we find ourselves saying “that’s not what I meant”, when in an argument with a person close to us? Symbolic Interactionism is great angle to consider when trying to understand how we come to those “I meant something else” moments.

Chapter 5 of our class textbook “A First Look at Communication Theory” discusses Symbolic Interactionism and “three core principles”, established by Herbert Blumer that stand behind this theory. (54) First, to understand this theory and apply it we must understand what symbolic interaction is. By definition symbolic interaction is “the ongoing use of language and gestures in anticipation of how the other will react; a conversation.” (54) George Herbert Mead, the brain behind this thought, “believed that our thoughts, self-concept, and the wider community we live in are created through communication.” (54)  Herbert Blumer eventually created the term symbolic interactionism and gave us three principles in which he believed this theory was made up of. Meaning, Language, and thinking. Simple, right? Not exactly. This theory discusses the meanings that we, as individuals, assign to our social interactions that produce how we look at communication. The author states that we act upon the basis of meanings that we assign to people or things.  We give life to our language based upon the meaning we have given to our words. Our thoughts are what defines how we see symbols and our “inner dialogue is used to test alternatives and create self-talk.” (57) So, where are we going with all of this? With all three of these ideas, I believe it is easy for communication to get messy. How we view a certain word, idea, topic, etc. might be completely different from how someone else views it, due to the meaning that each individual has assigned to it.

In the Gilmore Girls clip that has been attached, we see miscommunication from Rory and Logan. Rory thought they’re time apart was meant for her and Logan to think and get a grip on their relationship, while Logan thought this time apart was a break up. The language used behind this was understood on two different levels and the meanings assigned by each of them came from their understanding of their reality of language. When we consider the three core principles Blumer gave to us, I believe this scene in Gilmore Girls is a classic example of how these three things can get mixed up. Our book says meaning is “the construction of social reality.” (55) In Logan’s social reality, he knows time apart to mean a break up. That is what this language means to him, and he has therefore interpreted it this way through his thought process. As mentioned in class, perception is reality. We find this going hand in hand with Mead and Blumer’s ideas and can easily apply this to not only Rory and Logan’s relationship, but possibly many of our own in our everyday lives.

Although two weeks of school have come and gone, this is not the first time I have thought about my goals for not only my semester, but my class as well. I have contemplated my goals for each course, including this course, Communication Theory, as well as my course of action to achieve these goals and how these goals will be of benefit to me this semester and beyond.

First, it is important to me that I give this course my all. As cliche as it might sound, my top goal for this course is to put in effort and do my best. I believe when you put in your best effort, you get results you are pleased with in return. Another one of my goal’s for this course is to do well and end with a grade that I am proud of. Lastly, I believe that I am in college not just to achieve a good GPA to put on my resume, but also to learn. In every course I take I make it a goal to learn something that sticks, and I intend to do so in this course as well.

I know that it takes more than just making goals and writing them down to achieve them and be successful. A tool that I have found important for myself has been organization. The more organized I am, the better I do in class. From keeping up with assignments, to keeping my work in order, I feel as though my goals are more attainable when I am organized. I also find it important to ask questions. As a rather shy person, I know it is crucial that I step outside of my comfort zone to participate, ask questions, and seek help when needed. This is another significant tool I plan to utilize to aid in success. Lastly, I believe another key to success is spending a designated amount of time each day to this course to review and study. It can only enhance my learning and my successes by consistently being engaged in the material I am learning. With all three of these things in action, I feel I can achieve my goals.

These goals I have stated can only help me when I finish this course and go on to finish my last semester, and even after I graduate. Organization is a tool that can be used in all of my courses. This is a lifelong tool that keeps a hectic life in order and easy to navigate. When it comes to stepping outside of my comfort zone and asking questions, I know this is a tool that will also help me in things like job interviews and a work environment. There is so much to gain from asking questions and asking for help and I know that the more I step outside my comfort zone, the easier it will be. As I practice discipline by setting aside time solely for this course, I know this is a life skill. Whether it be eating healthier or practicing it in a work environment after graduation, discipline is applicable in multiple situations.

I am excited about the opportunities I have to be successful in this course, and the space I have to learn and thrive. I look forward to applying all of these tools to my every day life and have high expectations for myself for this course!