My future occupation is all about seeing what others can not. Contractual law is about foresight, protecting a person or a business through perceiving the avenues through which an opposing person or business may attack them. Verbal agreements in the world of contracts and business are equally as important as written. Breaking a promise is legally considered a breach of contract. I learned my lesson about breaching contracts when I forgot to bring candy to the fourth grade candy fiends at Rapoport Elementary.

I was first introduced to Marcos, Hailey, Jayden, and Jordan on the twenty first of January. Marcos, is of hispanic heritage and can read incredibly fast. He loves soccer, and ninja turtles but is not a fan of girls at the moment. Hailey is caucasian, and currently convinced that I am the girl on the Wendy’s commercials. She is incredibly talented when it comes to memorization and enjoys arraying herself in all colors of the rainbow. Jayden is African American and is confident he will be the next KD Cannon. He prides himself on his shoes and swagger. Although he puts up a tough exterior, Jayden is always squeezed right next to me, and swoons with praise. Jordan is a spunky African American girl who always has her hair done up with pink and purple beads. Her heart is tender, and she is a natural peacemaker. Jordan is sincere to the core, and hard working as well, I love her so much.

So, what does four nine and ten year olds and math have to do with my vocation? Vocation as defined by Merriam Webster is a strong feeling of suitability for a certain career. I believe our LDS 2301 course has a bone to pick with the faculty over at Merriam Webster. Vocation, as defined by a group of eighteen year olds who are currently pursuing and discerning their calling is a threefold thing. First, it may or may not be a major source of income. Vocation has many forms whether that is in a hobby, part-time job or a personal project. Second, it is what God places within your heart through personal talent and interest. Third, vocation is the aha moment. We often quote Buechner, believing he found the center of what vocation is: “where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” My career aspirations may lead to a pretty office with big windows and sports contracts spread across a mahogany desk, but my vocation takes a one hundred and eighty degree turn from this ideal. My vocation is to work with children, through personal projects, pro bono work and volunteering. My deep gladness meets the hungry minds of the most disenfranchised segment of all society. It is not the black mine or the mexican woman who lays at the bottom of societal infrastructure. It is not the immigrant or the ex-convict. It is the child, who cannot vote on his or her future, who cannot call for change, who cannot choose where, when and to whom he or she is born. It is not my goal to lower voting ages, or put major decisions into the hands of a child. Instead it is to educate, care for and mentor the youth so that they may grow to carry inside their own hearts the same tenderness for the plight of their oppressed youth.

I was not sure of this goal prior to my time at Rapoport. I knew I loved children, and that school was something I was good at, so naturally I put the two together. The benefits I have reaped from these four young souls heavily outweigh anything I may have done for them. When I walked in that January afternoon, I was perhaps a little too optimistic. Tutoring was not a new thing for me, I had worked with young children all throughout my high school career. However, tutoring at a public school was new for me. I entered with a smile and left with a grimace, wondering if I could change my mind and abandon Rapoport as an option for my practical application project. Jayden had driven me up a wall, practically bouncing off of them himself. After thirty minutes of anything other than productivity I had sent him crying back to class. It made me feel awful, and I wanted to avoid feeling that way forever. Though I could not see it then I now realize that Jayden showed me that tough love with children is sometimes good, and things aren’t always sunshine and happy days, bad days come around and that’s okay. I used to abandon things I felt uncomfortable with, things that produced disappointment. The very next Wednesday, Jayden came in, put his face about two inches from mine and with the biggest smile asked if he could sit with me. I expected him to hate me, and was honestly scared of his disappointment with me, but he gave me a new day and I gave him the fresh start he needed from then on. Children, I noticed can not hold a grudge to save themselves, honestly, I do not think they’re interested with the act. It taught me a lot about myself, and how I treat others and how I move through life in general. Joy is so much easier to come by, when you pursue it anew each day.

As I mentioned, coming into Rapoport I knew only that I liked young people and school. Leaving it I am finding that I enjoy relationship. What led me to Rapoport wasn’t my good grammar, but my faith based belief in community. I want to pour into these kids, because if the wings of a butterfly can create a hurricane, a couple of hugs and answered questions could change a life. I am not saying I am doing revolutionary work at Rapoport, in fact it is just the opposite. Each day begins with a hello, and how is your day? The impact for me and I hope for them comes between hello and goodbye. When I find patience for Jayden he finds confidence in his schoolwork and himself. When I remember the small things about Marcos he feels important. When I applaud Hailey’s clumsy magic, her self confidence forgets about the constant bullying. When I hug Jordan to me, speaking affirmation into her thirst heart I feel her grow tall again, and I see a light only youth knows.

There is so much to say about these kids, I feel anything less than a novel is regrettable. However, I think the point in focusing on them so much throughout this essay is to show that they really are what my vocation is. Jayden, Hailey, Marcos and Jordan are the definitions of a pretty ambiguous calling to love, for He first loved us. What Rapoport is revealing to me is that my vocation is in the small things. That it’s in the hours between school and play, the grades between cute and independent, and the souls who just want love. “Man does not see what the Lord sees, for man sees what is visible, but the Lord sees the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7. I think my vocation is looking for the heart, where it has not been sought after in far too long.