Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close is a novel that shows very different characters and how they choose to react to tragedy and love. Thomas Sr. (hereafter just referred to as Thomas) is literally a man of few words. Foer develops a character who is flat and surprisingly static.
Looking at the multiple letters we have from Thomas, we begin to see the rationale behind the stoic, silent man. It is the loss of Anna that haunts him for the rest of the life. This loss is why he insists on the rules that we hear in “Why I’m Not Where You Are.” Thomas is entirely defined by this experience. In “My Feelings” Thomas starts to sculpt Anna by using the grandmother. The grandmother is just a literal stand-in for Anna. He is so consumed by being Anna’s boyfriend that he can’t see his wife as anything but Anna’s sister. Thomas can’t connect with his son because Anna had been with child when she died. “I’ll never be your father and you’ll always be my son” he informs the child. Thomas is entirely defined by losing Anna and this makes him a hopelessly flat character.
Thomas writes, in “Why I’m Not Where You Are,” that “I’m leaving her today.” Thomas flirts with leaving every time he enters the airport to fetch the magazines and further in he does finally leave. Thomas’ exit and re-entrance, while thematically important to understanding the relationship between Oskar’s grandparents, had the potential to redefine his person and to redirect his life, but they don’t. He doesn’t return because he suddenly realizes a profound love for the grandmother nor does he leave her because he has any intensely good or bad feelings; Thomas is afraid to live and he realizes that being with Anna’s sister is the most comfortable way to avoid the effort of connection.
Maybe some of Thomas’ flatness is a result of his contrast with rounder characters like Oskar and the grandmother, but even when he is given multiple opportunities to share his life story and emotions, he never succeeds in attaining depth.