me

sign on the dotted line

My last four years at Baylor University have been filled with all the highs and all the lows. I met some wonderful people, and at the same time pined to find my place. I was inspired by professors and faculty, and was left questioning others. I had grand adventures surrounded by thousands, and times of reflection alone in my room.

I always assumed that when you went to college, you were signing yourself up to be happy 24/7… surrounded by your best pals, always busy and never having a care in the world (except during test weeks). But the more days that passed, the more I realized everyone around me seemed to be having that experience while I was left to put on a face of happiness while feeling cheated inside. I was so jealous of those people who were having all they could ever dream of, because I felt like I was coming up short. Don’t get me wrong, I had amazing memories and adventures, but I couldn’t help but compare myself to those around me and wonder why I didn’t feel as happy as they all looked.

Fall of my junior year, I studied abroad at the University of St. Andrews. My two biggest concerns were what the bathrooms would look like and if my roommate would be a psycho. Luckily, God came in clutch on both (Scottish bathrooms are pretty much the same as American ones, FYI).  Meredith Browder was my roommate for my four months in Scotland. She taught me that not everyone was happy 100% of the time in college. For the first time, I felt like I had a teammate in this journey. Together we wept over the feelings of loneliness and misplacement while in college and dreamt of days where we would find our place and truly belong. To find someone who was willing to take the mask off

with me was the most freeing experience I have felt to this day.  The freedom to feel: happiness, sadness, anger, doubt, betrayal, calmness, beauty… (Liesje Powers took this picture of me for my graduation and I feel that is perfectly encompasses this feeling)

I don’t know where you are while reading this, maybe you’re a parent who is watching your kid go through this, or a student who is tired of holding up the mask. No matter who you are know this: going to college doesn’t mean you are signing your life away to a facade of always being okay. It’s an opportunity to learn more about who you are and how you want to impact the world you live in. So go ahead, get out your favorite pen-and sign the dotted line.

 

*For those who may be wondering, for the last 488 days since our time as roommates came to an end, Meredith and I talked or texted almost all of them. Even though she lives in Virginia and I am in Texas, we will always be bonded through our experience together.                                    photo courtesy @liesjepowers_photography

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